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Recently I came across a book that revolutionized the way I parent my toddler AND interact with patients in my speech therapy sessions. It is just so good that I had to summarize and share it with you!

“The Whole Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson explores practical strategies for understanding and nurturing a child’s developing brain, fostering healthy emotional growth, and improving parent-child (and caregiver- or therapist-child) relationships. The book emphasizes the importance of integrating parts of the brain and provides 12 strategies for parents and caregivers (and SLPs!) to support children’s emotional and cognitive development.

The Upstairs Brain and Downstairs Brain

This was my favorite part of the book! Dr. Siegel introduces the concept of the “upstairs brain” and the “downstairs brain” as a simplified way to explain the brain’s regions and functions to children.

• Upstairs Brain: This refers to the prefrontal cortex, responsible for higher-order thinking, problem-solving, empathy, and self-control. It’s often associated with logical thinking and decision-making.
• Downstairs Brain: This encompasses the lower brain regions, including the amygdala, which is involved in emotional reactions and the fight-or-flight response. The downstairs brain is responsible for more instinctual and emotional reactions.

The authors emphasize that helping children integrate both brain regions is crucial for balanced emotional and cognitive development. The “upstairs brain” should guide and regulate the “downstairs brain,” allowing children to respond to situations with emotional intelligence and rational thinking. Understanding the difference between the “upstairs” and “downstairs” brain can help parents and caregivers explain emotional and behavioral responses to children and teach them self-regulation skills. It can also help parents understand why their children are acting they way that they are. It takes practice, time, and maturity for our children to learn to access their “upstairs brain” in challenging moments.

This is such an important concept and I love that it can be explained in such parent-friendly language! I think, many times, parents (myself included!) expect emotional regulation skills of their child that are not yet developmentally appropriate. Children function in their “downstairs brain” during tantrums, yet parents try to reason with their “upstairs brain” (which is totally inaccessible in that moment). For example, my daughter starts tantruming when I tell her it’s time to leave the playground. She throws her body to the ground, screams, and cries. She is functioning in her “downstairs brain.” No amount of reasoning with her is going to stop the tantrum. Her “upstairs brain” is not working right now. I need to appeal to her “downstairs brain” by co-regulating with her (calmly crouching down to her level, narrating what is happening, soothing her, and labeling the emotion). If that doesn’t stop the tantrum, it’s alright for me to calmly pick her up and take her to the car. I’m allowed to hold a boundary and she’s allowed to have feelings about it.

12 Strategies from “The Whole Brain Child”

1. Connect and Redirect:

• Summary: Before addressing a child’s challenging behavior or emotions, connect with them emotionally. Then, redirect their behavior towards a more constructive response.
• Example: If a child is upset during a tantrum, a parent can connect by saying, “I see you’re really upset right now. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Once connected, they can redirect by suggesting an alternative way to express their feelings, such as taking deep breaths or using words to describe their emotions.

2. Name It to Tame It:

• Summary: Help children label their emotions, which can lead to better understanding and regulation.
• Example: If a child is feeling scared of the dark, a parent can encourage them to say, “I’m feeling scared,” which helps the child identify and manage their fear.

3. Engage, Don’t Enrage:

• Summary: Instead of reacting with anger or frustration to a child’s tantrums or emotional outbursts, engage with their emotional experiences.
• Example: If a child throws a tantrum because they can’t have a toy, a parent can engage by saying, “I can see you really wanted that toy. I understand how disappointing this is.”

4. Use It or Lose It:

• Summary: Regularly practicing skills strengthens the neural connections in the brain.
• Example: If a child is working on improving their reading skills, consistent practice through reading aloud and phonics exercises is essential for skill retention and improvement.

5. Move the Body to Move the Brain:

• Summary: Physical activity can enhance cognitive functioning and should be incorporated into learning experiences.
• Example: During a challenging math lesson, a teacher might have students stand up and use hand movements to visualize and solve math problems.

6. Use the Senses:

• Summary: Engage multiple senses in learning to enhance memory and understanding.
• Example: When teaching new vocabulary words, an SLP can incorporate visual aids, tactile materials, and stories to appeal to different senses and deepen the learning experience.

7. Connect Through Conflict:

• Summary: Conflict can be an opportunity for connection and teaching conflict resolution skills.
• Example: If two siblings are fighting over a toy, a parent can guide them through a conflict resolution process, encouraging them to share their feelings and negotiate a solution.

8. Use Creativity:

• Summary: Encourage creative activities to engage the whole brain and foster problem-solving skills.
• Example: In a science class, students might engage in a creative project, such as building a model of a plant cell, to reinforce their understanding of biology concepts.

9. Move from Right to Left:

• Summary: Foster integration between the brain’s logical (left) and creative (right) hemispheres.
• Example: In a music class, students might learn to play a musical instrument, which requires both creative expression and understanding of musical theory (logical thinking).

10. Connect Through Conflict:

• Summary: Stories provide a powerful way to connect and communicate with children.
• Example: A parent can use storytelling to convey important life lessons or values, helping children relate to and remember important messages.

11. Reflect, Integrate, and Redirect:

• Summary: Encourage children to reflect on their experiences, integrate new knowledge, and redirect their behavior positively.
• Example: After making a mistake, a teacher can guide a student to reflect on what they learned, integrate that learning into future efforts, and redirect their focus toward improvement.

12. Remember to Remember:

• Summary: Teach memory-enhancing techniques and strategies to help children retain and recall information.
• Example: A tutor might teach students mnemonic devices to remember complex formulas in mathematics, enhancing their memory and problem-solving abilities.

In conclusion, “The Whole Brain Child” provides valuable insights into nurturing a child’s emotional and cognitive development and offers practical strategies for anyone working with children– speech-language pathologists included! I have already been incorporating several of these strategies into my therapy sessions and recommending this book to parents that are interested! This book gets 5 stars from me!

If you want to pick up your own copy, click this link!